[ no matter how many times he goes about his day normally, sees jun, talks to people he enjoys and cherishes— when he puts his head against his pillow at night, it's the first thing he thinks about.
how he bit three people in halves and probably cut up an amount he can't put a number to. ]
[she has to respect this. he is the one, after all that took out the zealots in their way - that assaulted the tower itself, and he's just a boy. yes, he's more than that - but all that great power great responsibility bullshit? turns out it's not bullshit.]
[ it is a hard topic to navigate, but her trying is already a decent move. he doesn't know if he's relieved to read these things or if it's wrong to feel relieved about them, as if they were a coverup for a truth he shouldn't be turning away from.
he wants to think it doesn't designate who he is, but— ]
Doesn't it? I don't regret saving you both. But being capable of doing that to make sure you're safe, does define me. I've tried for so long not to do it. Back home. Other worlds. Trench. I didn't want to believe that wherever you go peace is impossible. I guess it isn't. I just don't want to pretend anymore, but thank you.
i dont think it does at least not for me sometimes were capable of things we never thought possible good and bad i know bc ive done both and sometimes its not even what u mean to do not really but that doesnt change that it happened but i think intent does matter
peace could be possible somewhere if everyone were on board maybe a small group of ppl ive seen it in places where i thought it couldnt exist
u dont have to be one thing or the other one doesnt have to win out and being different things at different times isnt pretending a momma batcat is a fierce little ball of hell if her babies are threatened but that doesnt mean shes pretending when she curls up in ur lap and purrs
its not impossible falco but some things try to make it that way and by some things i mean zealots and pthumerians too (yeah ppl but theyre the least of it here)
Zealots were people before losing their humanity. I know what Darkblood and Paleblood taste like now. And how bones feel in my mouth when they snap, and everything inside just comes out What’s the in between? Is there an in between? I don’t want to lose my humanity I’m afraid to but it feels like a part of it is already gone every time I remember.
[ he doesn’t want to mention that it actually tasted good, because that just brings up a nauseating gag reflex. even if he doesn’t respond to each and every word she writes to him, he reads it with care, and considers them all the same.
maybe that was a good idea. sakura, or sasuke— he’ll be sure to look for them, but for now, ]
they're tiny and look like water bubbles i felt better when i ate one
fang made me eat it u have to eat it raw for it to work
[he doesn't owe her long replies, and she's not expecting them. she can't imagine what he's dealing with - for all she knows first conscious time may as well be the first time. and the circumstances were more ...personal than most of her kills. she doesn't mention the times she's tortured zealots - that had been personal, but she hadn't taken a bite of them.
she'd thought about it.
to see if her bite was poison. she won't mention that either. the mushroom (and other things) had banished those thoughts for today.]
[ the change in direction was like a balm to their thoughts. ironically enough, if any zealot had survived falco's snap, they would have died anyway if they themselves weren't vilebloods. they'd die from hemorrhage, just about everywhere with an orifice. ]
Am I going to get, like, Drunk?
[ it was only a curiosity, and he'd never taken anything to alter his state. he was partially against it after seeing how absolutely outrageous his brothers, biological and founded, tend to be when they take something. ]
[it's a lot to think about for even a short time - even when you're mostly okay with it sometimes a change of direction is needed.]
no its not like that no drunk or high or weird u just eat it and feel a little better
im a mess but im not gonna try and get u drunk promise
[says the same girl that offered to buy jun a round of drinks when they first met. she's had one truly awful experience with alcohol, never to repeat again. she's been drunk a couple times since, but not that drunk.]
she isn't in as deep as she'll get later with the zealots. she isn't stalking them. she's still under the positive effects of that mushroom, but like all things - it's temporary.
he's right. and they don't even have to talk, if he doesn't want to. if he does, she'll listen.]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
text un: vi
u want revenge or no?
no subject
I think I did enough.
[ no matter how many times he goes about his day normally, sees jun, talks to people he enjoys and cherishes— when he puts his head against his pillow at night, it's the first thing he thinks about.
how he bit three people in halves and probably cut up an amount he can't put a number to. ]
no subject
can i help at all
do u need anything
did u get the one who did it
do u know?
no subject
And I don't remember how they really looked like.
[ beyond "zealot". he hasn't answered if she could help with anything, and really? that's only because he didn't know how beyond actually talking. ]
Have you ever killed anyone?
no subject
back home i did
more than once
here too but only in the tower
[she owes him honesty. but the question hurts her heart the more she rereads it. and eventually she sends:]
was that the first time?
no subject
[ honesty deserves honesty. ]
But it was the first conscious time.
no subject
for all the times
especially in the tower
u shouldnt have had to go through that
but because u did juns still alive
im still alive
its not easy
itll never be easy
if its easy theres a problem
but they forced ur hand
its not who u are
it doesnt define u
[she doesn't know if she's helping or hurting. this is hard.]
no subject
he wants to think it doesn't designate who he is, but— ]
Doesn't it?
I don't regret saving you both.
But being capable of doing that to make sure you're safe, does define me.
I've tried for so long not to do it. Back home. Other worlds. Trench.
I didn't want to believe
that wherever you go
peace is impossible.
I guess it isn't.
I just don't want to pretend anymore,
but thank you.
no subject
at least not for me
sometimes were capable of things we never thought possible
good and bad
i know bc ive done both
and sometimes its not even what u mean to do
not really
but that doesnt change that it happened
but i think intent does matter
peace could be possible somewhere
if everyone were on board
maybe a small group of ppl
ive seen it
in places where i thought it couldnt exist
u dont have to be one thing
or the other
one doesnt have to win out
and being different things at different times isnt pretending
a momma batcat is a fierce little ball of hell if her babies are threatened
but that doesnt mean shes pretending when she curls up in ur lap and purrs
its not impossible falco
but some things try to make it that way
and by some things i mean zealots
and pthumerians too
(yeah ppl but theyre the least of it here)
cw: brief description of gore
I know what Darkblood and Paleblood taste like now.
And how bones feel in my mouth when they snap, and everything inside just
comes out
What’s the in between? Is there an in between?
I don’t want to lose my humanity
I’m afraid to
but it feels like a part of it is already gone every time I remember.
no subject
prison guards were kids once
maybe they werent bullies idk
same w/all the ppl back home
but we were on two sides of a war
im still human bc i feel
i feel lots of things
i feel regret for the way it had to happen
but not rlly for doing it
no choice
i dont think of u as any less human
and i doubt the ppl that love u do either
but those things
like blood
and sounds
u might need help with those
maybe theyll never go away but there are things that can help
not me im a mess
but sakura maybe
sasuke
another nightwalker maybe
do u want a mushroom
ive got one that might help a little
for now i mean
no subject
maybe that was a good idea. sakura, or sasuke— he’ll be sure to look for them, but for now, ]
What kind of mushroom?
no subject
i felt better when i ate one
fang made me eat it
u have to eat it raw for it to work
[he doesn't owe her long replies, and she's not expecting them. she can't imagine what he's dealing with - for all she knows first conscious time may as well be the first time. and the circumstances were more ...personal than most of her kills. she doesn't mention the times she's tortured zealots - that had been personal, but she hadn't taken a bite of them.
she'd thought about it.
to see if her bite was poison. she won't mention that either. the mushroom (and other things) had banished those thoughts for today.]
no subject
Am I going to get, like,
Drunk?
[ it was only a curiosity, and he'd never taken anything to alter his state. he was partially against it after seeing how absolutely outrageous his brothers, biological and founded, tend to be when they take something. ]
no subject
no its not like that
no drunk or high or weird
u just eat it and feel a little better
im a mess but im not gonna try and get u drunk
promise
[says the same girl that offered to buy jun a round of drinks when they first met. she's had one truly awful experience with alcohol, never to repeat again. she's been drunk a couple times since, but not that drunk.]
no subject
I'll try it.
no subject
and if u are then i will
no subject
Of course I’d be up for people.
Being with someone helps more than being alone.
no subject
u know i cant say no to that
[of course she'll bring it, then.
she isn't in as deep as she'll get later with the zealots. she isn't stalking them. she's still under the positive effects of that mushroom, but like all things - it's temporary.
he's right. and they don't even have to talk, if he doesn't want to. if he does, she'll listen.]