[Despite himself, he's a little hesitant to send the message to Falco. It has less to do with trust and more to do with the implications of... a lot of things -60 said. Falco's obviously more worldly than most when it comes to serious subjects, but... well, he's a worry-wart, despite himself.]
Falco, are you around? I might need your help with something.
[ around, he very well could be. falco doesn’t hesitate when he sees what it’s about. as fast as his fingers can type back, ethan would get a return message not too long after it’s received. ]
I can be, Mister Ethan. I just finished taking care of the chickens. What do you need?
[That makes him frown. How to explain that... the amount of hesitation as he types is unusual, and he supposes that says all that needs to be said on the matter.]
Alright. I'll explain when you get here.
As for supplies... something to dig with, if you have anything, and a pair of sharp eyes if you know any to spare, but I've opened a post on the network for that too. I don't suspect I'll need too much more than that.
[ he’s good at running with weight— jogging, for the most part, and as fast as a kid in a tactical bag (and strapped with a shovel nearly twice his his size) can, ethan would catch falco’s semi-athletic arrival in some minutes.
he seems clueless, for the most part, and attempts to greet the other with a faraway wave. ]
[He's been lost in thought, checking the network post he'd made off and on. It's notable that he's alone, of course, and when he looks up to see Falco, he raises a hand in relative greeting.
When the youth approaches, he'll probably notice Ethan's expression first - drawn and quiet, just this side of... Is it upset? Clearly, whatever it is, it's bothering him.]
{Thank you for coming.}
[He's under too much turmoil to rely on his own voice right now, but at least Falco's heard him with both.
For a moment, he's unsure how much to tell. A lot of it's still extrapolation, but there's one very strong value of clarity. And if anyone deserves to hear the entire story... It's probably Falco. Best to just come out with it, then.]
{We're going to be finding his- body, when the others arrive. If others arrive.}
[His jaw sets grimly while he explains, gaze somewhat downward as he watches Falco's response. It's blunt, but honest, sparing the detail for the initial explanation.]
[ he arrives with— well, not too much a smile afterwards, but more a fixed expression of work that gently begins to falter the more he realizes in ethan that something was wrong. from bright he shifts his energy to drop to the same page: serious yet highly attentive. he’s removing his bag from his shoulders and swinging it in front of him, to the ground, to remove the straps keeping the shovel’s metal head secured while keeping his eyes fixed on ethan. he doesn’t expect to hear what he hears. ]
His— Dead body.
[ it seems he’s more asking for confirmation than think of the worst case scenario, but falco’s already wired for the sort of thing. he already thinks of the worst. if he were dead, they wouldn’t be looking for him. he’d reappear on his own. his eyes go wide as he pieces his own portion of the puzzle by himself in a matter of moments, and it sends a grotesque chill prematurely down his gut that sets his jaw into a tight fix, and hope it’s not what he thinks it is.
the world is cruel, and people can do very, very cruel things to the ones they hate. another torturous horror story he’d hear as he tried to rest in the front line trenches. the hope wanes. ]
[He can see it as Falco works through the facts. The moment that determination turns to understanding, the moment understanding gives way to pain.
He can still hear Connor's voice, dead and weary. The absolute certainty that this was just his life now, as if--]
{I take it something else had happened, but it's... Something Connor had alluded to, before. I'd forgotten about it altogether.}
[He'd forgotten and he wishes he didn't have to remember it now. There's still the question of how Ethan learned where -60 was in the first place, but he seems particularly reticent on that subject.]
{Sorry to drag you into this, Falco. I couldn't just leave him however he's been-- dismantled. I just... Also can't rely on my limbs for the work.}
[It twists in his gut to think about it. Connor doesn't even need a human sense of cruelty to slide into the logic of everything. The thought of it leaves him dizzy and almost lost to himself. The fact that he can't even so much as do the damn digging himself...
If he'd just remembered, if he'd given any kind of warning... How different would it be?]
{I'll take care of him. Whenever we find him. Based on the last we talked, that's probably... For the best.}
[ he starts, but immediately stops. no. no, he’d have to address and think of that later, waving it off for now to quickly shake his head and quicken his movements to secure the shovel in his hand as he rises.
urgency rises with purpose and not panic, as much as his heart is beating fast all of a sudden, threatening a drum in his ears and forcing himself to control the inner hum— the boy has colors, and knows when and where he needs to use them. ]
We can’t wait for the others! That’s more time being buried alive, that’s—
[ that’s too risky. ethan said so himself, if there’re others. if there weren’t, which was a possibility they’d have to consider, they were losing time. falco wouldn’t be able to sit and wait knowing that someone was broken apart and stuck in the maddening encasement of dirt. with reassurance, falco straightens his back, strengthens his tone, and doesn’t seem like a child in the moment he wields his shovel.
that part of him had been stolen away since he was small— but there’s no way to regret anything like that when someone needs them. ]
I dug trenches since I was strong enough to hold a shovel, Mister Ethan. If anything— I’ll make sure the others know where else to dig if I don’t find him.
[ it’s seems he’s made up his mind, and promptly turns his attention sharply to the dirt around them. a spot that looks concealed, softer to the step, looks different, anything to tip him off. he looks for it as if he were looking for something genuinely important to him. he wants to find him. he wants to help him.
no matter what he did, no one deserves that. he fears for him and connor-51 once they free him, but that would have to be a second priority. ]
[The only way. He'd thought it was a brilliant plan, at the time, in all of his machine logic.
And yet, here they are. Ethan reaches to place a hand on Falco's shoulder. It trembles, uncertainty and resolve wreaking havoc on the senses.]
Slow breaths.
[His voice is... Tired, weak. It's threaded with a sense of certainty, a knowledge of weakness. Moreover, there's something deeper in it that he's not about to talk about.
It's not as if he can really blame Connor for the decision. As a machine, it's the most efficient path.]
{He has a place to be, for now. Trust me. I wouldn't have waited for the network of I thought otherwise.}
[He can't explain that, but his expression is serious, earnest. The difference in Falco is clear, heartbreaking. He's been at this too long, seen too much in a short life. He's... It hurts to think about. Especially in a world as old as the one Falco's mentioned before.]
{We'll find him, fix this. I agree with you, after all. Even if I can understand why he wanted to do this, there's no way I could let him become that kind of person.}
[That goes against everything he's done so far. And it hurts so much more personally for him - though he won't know for a while how deeply.]
[ did i say one shovel I meant two shovels! two gardening shovels. falco will bring havoc with two gardening shovels. they will be his talons until the new and improved (improvised) shovel arrives. yes. you have not seen this child dig.
and he is antsy to start. he’d dig all day. he’d dig fast. he does try to breathe in and it goes well enough, but the exhale is quick and his shoulders slump along with his expression. ]
We’ll just have to talk . . . That’s all.
[ he’s not upset at connor-51— he’s upset about where it has all led to. they had to stop it now, and falco considers looking for mister connor . . .
he starts pacing, a short way back and forth because it’s too much of a chore to stand still now. it was like asking for him to wait as gabi came running back from enemy fire. his body can’t wait, but at ethan’s request, his mind holds the reigns. connor-60 is the one that needs something now. seeking out connor-51 would wait. he’s looking at the ground. all he can do is scan the ground as he walked in the short space he gave himself to blow the steam off and wait. if he was trustworthy and reliable enough to be summoned, he couldn’t show the opposite now.
he understands the intention, but what revolved and involved around it was worrying. ]
After this— I can go find him. [ a swallow, tight, dry, but disciplined. ] I won’t make an alarm. I can— bring him to you. I’m not mad, I . . .
[ he’s just tremendously saddened and worried for both androids. he runs at the hair on his head and cups the discomfort at his nape. right. deep breaths. calm down. he stops pacing and sighs. ]
[Ethan smiles, despite himself, when Falco speaks. Someone will need to talk to -51, and he's... uniquely unqualified to have that conversation, after all this. Still, it... bothers him a little.
It's not that he has any lack of faith in Falco's abilities - this is distinctly a personal feeling. If it weren't so important, and if Falco wasn't the only one who knew the actual value of what he was doing 'wrong', maybe he would have left him aside. It wouldn't have been fair, but it would have been less painful.
There's nothing good, after all, about shielding someone from the heaviness of the world at every turn. He suspects that Falco's seen enough of it already.]
{It'll be good, I think. You talking to him. I'm not sure when I'll be... able to, given all this.}
[Given the betrayal. He's not sure it'll actually be forgiven.
His lips purse as Falco paces, considering the words. Bring him to him... maybe it'd be good. Maybe he should get the conversation over and done with. At the same time...
He should probably let Connor get his bearings. Figure things out, especially if Falco explains. He'd be angry, wouldn't he? If this, this desperate try to do what he thinks is best, was thwarted so, and by someone he trusted...
It hurts to think about, so he doesn't.]
{That's alright. I'll... get to talk to him eventually. I'm not mad, either. I would have hesitated a lot less in doing this, if it was... someone else. Someone threatening me, my people.}
[He can still see the blood, if he closes his eyes. Hear the sounds, the sobs. His fingers curl.]
{I don't think we'll be able to. It's... I'm going to release him from it.} [... No. He should be realistic. Sugar-coating it isn't worth anything.] {I told him I would take care of it. So, if it's half as bad as it sounded... I'll kill him to make it stop. It's what has to be done, in that case.}
[ . . . ah. kind of like when the world before the weapon revolution used war horses and put them down if they broke anything that made their purpose arduous and useless. or, even in more recent times when soldiers were too far off from any medical salvage and still kept taking breaths. not just a lack of limbs, no, people can survive those, he considers those with holes in them, infantrymen split in half by shell bombing and still conscious, barely hanging on and unable to let go. falco can’t say he didn’t know mercy killing existed or hadn’t seen its practice in some form— hadn’t that been what mister zeke wanted . . . ? after a lengthy stretch of looking at the darkened sky of an autumn’s evening, he sighs through his nose and rests his hand on his branded nape. ]
. . . I understand.
[ even if he doesn’t like it; he dislikes what brought them to it, as a whole. ]
What’ll we do once he comes back? He’s, [ falco swallows, presses his lips together, and sees again, in the downcast glance at soil and stray leaves, the hate that drove gabi from one murder to the next. ] going to be really mad.
[People do what they do, after all. What makes them feel humane, alive. It's more than that, for him - a ponderous connection he's not sure has any space to be here.
Falco brings up an invariably good question, though - what will they do with -60, once he resets? Ethan's brows pinch as he considers.
The reality is that their location is going to make him inconvenient, personally. It'd taken such a damn long time to even get here, finding -60 afterward is...]
{I'm not sure. Even if I was half as my leader in speaking to others, I... Don't really think I'd be able to catch up to him.} [Especially not if he does what he thinks he will, and takes the penalty for the android. It's the last thing he'd thought would happen - well, no. It's among the later thoughts. Taking a metaphorical bullet for -60, of all people?] {Getting to him to stop whatever he gets in his head is important. Even he ought to need a minute to collect his thoughts after all this. He was... In pretty bad shape, as far as I could tell.}
[Some part of him is aware of just how much wishful thinking this is, but he blatantly ignores it. For one long, painful moment, he can let himself believe, can't he? It would be best if -60 takes a moment to really consider where he stands, where to prioritise what order...
Admin had told him to reconsider, but that's not how he is. Even machines don't deserve to just be reprogrammed because you fucked up and made them work arguably more as intended.
He knows, on some level, he's underestimating the vindictive streak in his ally.
He knows full well how easy it'll be to want to push forward despite everything logical screaming to stop.
He knows... But maybe that's why.
It probably won't change anything.
His actions might just be pain for himself.
That's alright.
He wishes Dolvaa were here. At least then -60 could talk with someone who actually understands how to talk through his thoughts.
'I don't pity you, Ethan, because pity suggests that there is no way to move forward. Pity is the bitter taste that--'
He exhales a shaking breath, running a hand through his hair.]
{If I can make it to him, I'd like to take to him, but I'm likely to make it worse somehow. I'm bad at holding my tongue when it comes to my feelings on the ones who built him.
Getting his focus on anything else would be best, even for a minute, else he's probably going to have to deal with whatever reprogramming the Admin thinks is best. This isn't sustainable for anyone.}
[His shoulders sag at the thought. He'll have tried, at least.]
[ his focus . . . getting his focus . . . there’s something that falco does consider, but he withholds the thought to himself. it wasn’t a sure way and he wasn’t supposed to tell anyone to start. what if he could quell him for just a minute? what if -60 attacked him instead, was it better than attacking connor? and what about the other way around—?
it’s something that he ends up pressing away, for now, ducking his head and telling himself to think things through one step at a time. the first: ]
After we find him, I’ll go back home. I’ll try and talk to Mister Connor— if I get a head start, I think I’ll be fast enough. I just in case.
[Thinking on the future, Ethan decides, is better than thinking on the possibilities of what's to come. It helps to push past the ball of anxiety and self-loathing that's been slowly but surely building since he finally talked to -60.]
{That's the best idea, I think. I'd say to take care of yourself, but I doubt you need the reminder, and you'll do what you think is best regardless.}
[There's little inflection in the voice for obvious reason, but there's fondness on his face. Ethan's opinion is pretty clear, when it comes to Falco - he's young, but he's trustworthy.]
[ mm— at least he’s getting approval for it, out of all other options. he nods in understanding to take care of himself. ]
We all do.
[ do what we think is best, he means. that goes for just about everyone. falco gives ethan’s shoulder a touch— a response to the trust he’s being given, before it slips down to his side, and so dips his head.
now, in this evening chill, they’ll have to wait. ]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
text; un: ethan
Falco, are you around? I might need your help with something.
It involves the other Connor.
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I can be, Mister Ethan. I just finished taking care of the chickens. What do you need?
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Alright. I'll explain when you get here.
As for supplies... something to dig with, if you have anything, and a pair of sharp eyes if you know any to spare, but I've opened a post on the network for that too. I don't suspect I'll need too much more than that.
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I can do that. Do you need something deep or superficial?
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[Connor wouldn't risk that.]
I'm sending you a location to meet me, it's on the north end of town.
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[ he’s good at running with weight— jogging, for the most part, and as fast as a kid in a tactical bag (and strapped with a shovel nearly twice his his size) can, ethan would catch falco’s semi-athletic arrival in some minutes.
he seems clueless, for the most part, and attempts to greet the other with a faraway wave. ]
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When the youth approaches, he'll probably notice Ethan's expression first - drawn and quiet, just this side of... Is it upset? Clearly, whatever it is, it's bothering him.]
{Thank you for coming.}
[He's under too much turmoil to rely on his own voice right now, but at least Falco's heard him with both.
For a moment, he's unsure how much to tell. A lot of it's still extrapolation, but there's one very strong value of clarity. And if anyone deserves to hear the entire story... It's probably Falco. Best to just come out with it, then.]
{We're going to be finding his- body, when the others arrive. If others arrive.}
[His jaw sets grimly while he explains, gaze somewhat downward as he watches Falco's response. It's blunt, but honest, sparing the detail for the initial explanation.]
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His— Dead body.
[ it seems he’s more asking for confirmation than think of the worst case scenario, but falco’s already wired for the sort of thing. he already thinks of the worst. if he were dead, they wouldn’t be looking for him. he’d reappear on his own. his eyes go wide as he pieces his own portion of the puzzle by himself in a matter of moments, and it sends a grotesque chill prematurely down his gut that sets his jaw into a tight fix, and hope it’s not what he thinks it is.
the world is cruel, and people can do very, very cruel things to the ones they hate. another torturous horror story he’d hear as he tried to rest in the front line trenches. the hope wanes. ]
Oh, no . . .
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He can still hear Connor's voice, dead and weary. The absolute certainty that this was just his life now, as if--]
{I take it something else had happened, but it's... Something Connor had alluded to, before. I'd forgotten about it altogether.}
[He'd forgotten and he wishes he didn't have to remember it now. There's still the question of how Ethan learned where -60 was in the first place, but he seems particularly reticent on that subject.]
{Sorry to drag you into this, Falco. I couldn't just leave him however he's been-- dismantled. I just... Also can't rely on my limbs for the work.}
[It twists in his gut to think about it. Connor doesn't even need a human sense of cruelty to slide into the logic of everything. The thought of it leaves him dizzy and almost lost to himself. The fact that he can't even so much as do the damn digging himself...
If he'd just remembered, if he'd given any kind of warning... How different would it be?]
{I'll take care of him. Whenever we find him. Based on the last we talked, that's probably... For the best.}
no subject
Mister Connor said—?
[ he starts, but immediately stops. no. no, he’d have to address and think of that later, waving it off for now to quickly shake his head and quicken his movements to secure the shovel in his hand as he rises.
urgency rises with purpose and not panic, as much as his heart is beating fast all of a sudden, threatening a drum in his ears and forcing himself to control the inner hum— the boy has colors, and knows when and where he needs to use them. ]
We can’t wait for the others! That’s more time being buried alive, that’s—
[ that’s too risky. ethan said so himself, if there’re others. if there weren’t, which was a possibility they’d have to consider, they were losing time. falco wouldn’t be able to sit and wait knowing that someone was broken apart and stuck in the maddening encasement of dirt. with reassurance, falco straightens his back, strengthens his tone, and doesn’t seem like a child in the moment he wields his shovel.
that part of him had been stolen away since he was small— but there’s no way to regret anything like that when someone needs them. ]
I dug trenches since I was strong enough to hold a shovel, Mister Ethan. If anything— I’ll make sure the others know where else to dig if I don’t find him.
[ it’s seems he’s made up his mind, and promptly turns his attention sharply to the dirt around them. a spot that looks concealed, softer to the step, looks different, anything to tip him off. he looks for it as if he were looking for something genuinely important to him. he wants to find him. he wants to help him.
no matter what he did, no one deserves that. he fears for him and connor-51 once they free him, but that would have to be a second priority. ]
He needs that.
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And yet, here they are. Ethan reaches to place a hand on Falco's shoulder. It trembles, uncertainty and resolve wreaking havoc on the senses.]
Slow breaths.
[His voice is... Tired, weak. It's threaded with a sense of certainty, a knowledge of weakness. Moreover, there's something deeper in it that he's not about to talk about.
It's not as if he can really blame Connor for the decision. As a machine, it's the most efficient path.]
{He has a place to be, for now. Trust me. I wouldn't have waited for the network of I thought otherwise.}
[He can't explain that, but his expression is serious, earnest. The difference in Falco is clear, heartbreaking. He's been at this too long, seen too much in a short life. He's... It hurts to think about. Especially in a world as old as the one Falco's mentioned before.]
{We'll find him, fix this. I agree with you, after all. Even if I can understand why he wanted to do this, there's no way I could let him become that kind of person.}
[That goes against everything he's done so far. And it hurts so much more personally for him - though he won't know for a while how deeply.]
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and he is antsy to start. he’d dig all day. he’d dig fast. he does try to breathe in and it goes well enough, but the exhale is quick and his shoulders slump along with his expression. ]
We’ll just have to talk . . . That’s all.
[ he’s not upset at connor-51— he’s upset about where it has all led to. they had to stop it now, and falco considers looking for mister connor . . .
he starts pacing, a short way back and forth because it’s too much of a chore to stand still now. it was like asking for him to wait as gabi came running back from enemy fire. his body can’t wait, but at ethan’s request, his mind holds the reigns. connor-60 is the one that needs something now. seeking out connor-51 would wait. he’s looking at the ground. all he can do is scan the ground as he walked in the short space he gave himself to blow the steam off and wait. if he was trustworthy and reliable enough to be summoned, he couldn’t show the opposite now.
he understands the intention, but what revolved and involved around it was worrying. ]
After this— I can go find him. [ a swallow, tight, dry, but disciplined. ] I won’t make an alarm. I can— bring him to you. I’m not mad, I . . .
[ he’s just tremendously saddened and worried for both androids. he runs at the hair on his head and cups the discomfort at his nape. right. deep breaths. calm down. he stops pacing and sighs. ]
Are we going to put him back together?
[ the other connor, he means. ]
CW: implication of torture, talk of murder
It's not that he has any lack of faith in Falco's abilities - this is distinctly a personal feeling. If it weren't so important, and if Falco wasn't the only one who knew the actual value of what he was doing 'wrong', maybe he would have left him aside. It wouldn't have been fair, but it would have been less painful.
There's nothing good, after all, about shielding someone from the heaviness of the world at every turn. He suspects that Falco's seen enough of it already.]
{It'll be good, I think. You talking to him. I'm not sure when I'll be... able to, given all this.}
[Given the betrayal. He's not sure it'll actually be forgiven.
His lips purse as Falco paces, considering the words. Bring him to him... maybe it'd be good. Maybe he should get the conversation over and done with. At the same time...
He should probably let Connor get his bearings. Figure things out, especially if Falco explains. He'd be angry, wouldn't he? If this, this desperate try to do what he thinks is best, was thwarted so, and by someone he trusted...
It hurts to think about, so he doesn't.]
{That's alright. I'll... get to talk to him eventually. I'm not mad, either. I would have hesitated a lot less in doing this, if it was... someone else. Someone threatening me, my people.}
[He can still see the blood, if he closes his eyes. Hear the sounds, the sobs. His fingers curl.]
{I don't think we'll be able to. It's... I'm going to release him from it.} [... No. He should be realistic. Sugar-coating it isn't worth anything.] {I told him I would take care of it. So, if it's half as bad as it sounded... I'll kill him to make it stop. It's what has to be done, in that case.}
no subject
. . . I understand.
[ even if he doesn’t like it; he dislikes what brought them to it, as a whole. ]
What’ll we do once he comes back? He’s, [ falco swallows, presses his lips together, and sees again, in the downcast glance at soil and stray leaves, the hate that drove gabi from one murder to the next. ] going to be really mad.
no subject
Falco brings up an invariably good question, though - what will they do with -60, once he resets? Ethan's brows pinch as he considers.
The reality is that their location is going to make him inconvenient, personally. It'd taken such a damn long time to even get here, finding -60 afterward is...]
{I'm not sure. Even if I was half as my leader in speaking to others, I... Don't really think I'd be able to catch up to him.} [Especially not if he does what he thinks he will, and takes the penalty for the android. It's the last thing he'd thought would happen - well, no. It's among the later thoughts. Taking a metaphorical bullet for -60, of all people?] {Getting to him to stop whatever he gets in his head is important. Even he ought to need a minute to collect his thoughts after all this. He was... In pretty bad shape, as far as I could tell.}
[Some part of him is aware of just how much wishful thinking this is, but he blatantly ignores it. For one long, painful moment, he can let himself believe, can't he? It would be best if -60 takes a moment to really consider where he stands, where to prioritise what order...
Admin had told him to reconsider, but that's not how he is. Even machines don't deserve to just be reprogrammed because you fucked up and made them work arguably more as intended.
He knows, on some level, he's underestimating the vindictive streak in his ally.
He knows full well how easy it'll be to want to push forward despite everything logical screaming to stop.
He knows... But maybe that's why.
It probably won't change anything.
His actions might just be pain for himself.
That's alright.
He wishes Dolvaa were here. At least then -60 could talk with someone who actually understands how to talk through his thoughts.
'I don't pity you, Ethan, because pity suggests that there is no way to move forward. Pity is the bitter taste that--'
He exhales a shaking breath, running a hand through his hair.]
{If I can make it to him, I'd like to take to him, but I'm likely to make it worse somehow. I'm bad at holding my tongue when it comes to my feelings on the ones who built him.
Getting his focus on anything else would be best, even for a minute, else he's probably going to have to deal with whatever reprogramming the Admin thinks is best. This isn't sustainable for anyone.}
[His shoulders sag at the thought. He'll have tried, at least.]
no subject
it’s something that he ends up pressing away, for now, ducking his head and telling himself to think things through one step at a time. the first: ]
After we find him, I’ll go back home. I’ll try and talk to Mister Connor— if I get a head start, I think I’ll be fast enough. I just in case.
[ and that was a start. ]
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{That's the best idea, I think. I'd say to take care of yourself, but I doubt you need the reminder, and you'll do what you think is best regardless.}
[There's little inflection in the voice for obvious reason, but there's fondness on his face. Ethan's opinion is pretty clear, when it comes to Falco - he's young, but he's trustworthy.]
no subject
We all do.
[ do what we think is best, he means. that goes for just about everyone. falco gives ethan’s shoulder a touch— a response to the trust he’s being given, before it slips down to his side, and so dips his head.
now, in this evening chill, they’ll have to wait. ]